Heavy heavy weight sits on my shoulders. It lays slumped against my chest.
Breathing is hard but ridding myself of this sickening sensation is even harder. I feel like I am drowning in a mass of my own making and I don’t know how to stop it from growing.
Should I laugh or do I cry?
Finding something to hold on to these days has been a big struggle. I try to find the easter eggs of happiness that used to lay hiding in plain sight – in simple things like my favorite movies, music, radio programs; but they are elusive to me now. It’s like playing my hidden treasures game (that I’m low-key addicted to) in real life. But no matter how many lives I have, how many hints I get, how many recharges to my lives I use up – days that feel completely wasted – I can’t seem to find what I need. It’s hard when I’m not sure what exactly it is I do need.
I haven’t been doing well with writing either, as my very many posts clearly indicate. Although it usually does help to let it out, the restlessness that claws deep in my gut always seems to distract me from sitting down for more than 5 minutes. It’s almost impossible to let this word vomit come spilling out on ‘paper’.
I feel like I just want to crawl into a ball or run and hide somewhere for days, weeks, months.
I’m so tired 😦